New Year's Resolutions
by heyjupiter
Summary: Josh and Donna have made some mistakes in the past, but they resolve to fix them. Josh/Amy, Josh/Donna.


Vague spoilers for the beginning of season 5 - Han. Remember, every time you read a story and don't r&r, your deity of choice kills a kitten!  
  
Josh stirred. He hated that brief waking-up period, where he didn't know exactly where he was or what time it was or who he was, for that matter, and from the feel of his head he wasn't sure he wanted to. He stretched, and rolled over, feeling Donna's comforting presence against him-Donna? He rubbed his eyes, and looked again. She was still there. Oh, shit , he thought. Oh, shit . He knew that he had a low tolerance for alcohol, and knew. well, thought, that he had probably exceeded that limit last night. But. New Year's Eve only happened once a year, after all. and. oh shit. Well , he tried to reason, maybe nothing happened. maybe. but no, as hazy as his memory of the last few hours were. Oh, shit. He got up to get a glass of water, trying to be quiet. Donna mumbled something, but didn't move. Thank God for small blessings. He stumbled into the kitchen and sat down.  
  
~*~ Donna stirred. She wished it weren't so bright in her room, her head was killing her. Wait a minute-this wasn't her room. she frowned and tried to remember last night's events. Oh God, I had sex with Josh. Not that having sex with Josh was, in of itself, that horrifying of an idea. but she was his assistant, for God's sake. And even if they were going to risk that sort of relationship. she wanted it to be a relationship , not Josh having too much to drink and fucking her. She wasn't sure if it was the thought of this, or what she had drunk last night, or some heinous combination of the two... but she had to puke. Now. She put her hands over her mouth and ran out of the room. "Josh? Josh, where's your bathroom?"  
  
~*~  
  
He looked confused. "Uh... oh, it's over there." He pointed vaguely to a door. She ran in, knelt in front of the toilet, and started enthusiastically vomiting. Hesitantly, Josh followed her, and pulled her long hair away from her face. He offered her a towel after she had finished, and she started to cry. "Sorry," she sobbed, "I just... I didn't want you to see me like this..."  
  
"Oh... hey, hey Donna, how many times have you seen me at my worst?"  
  
She offered a weak smile, but kept sniffling. "Look... um, last night... oh, God, I should have asked... can I get you some water or anything? Tylenol?"  
  
"Yeah... water, please." He found a clean glass and filled it from the tap. He gave her a paper towel, too. "Um, sorry I don't have any Kleenex, but..."  
  
"No... it's fine, thanks."  
  
Could this be any more awkward? Josh wondered. This was Donna, he wasn't supposed to feel awkward around her. Of course, he wasn't supposed to sleep with his assistant, either. Not that he didn't want to sleep with his assistant or anything... just that, well, he wasn't supposed to. And if he were going to, he didn't want it to be like this. He leaned forward and hit his head on the table. The dull pain brought him slightly back into the present. "Ow." Donna looked over at him. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were red. She was beautiful. How could he have done this to her? He hit his head again.  
  
"Josh, you're going to break your table." Neither of them laughed; she hadn't really meant for it to be funny. Both of them understood that sometimes you just had to say something or the silence would envelop them.  
  
~*~  
  
She hated it when she said things to fill the silence. She was always there with the witty banter, always had something to say, Well, she didn't this morning.  
  
She wished she could remember the circumstances that had led to this morning.  
  
Donna knew she had bad taste in men. Josh was different, though. She couldn't let herself have Josh, because she'd just mess it up. She had instinctively known this, and now she had gone and proved it. Josh... he was smart, and funny, and handsome, and... well, cocky, definitely cocky... but still. And he was the White House Deputy Chief of Staff. She was a college dropout from Wisconsin, who had just slept with her boss.  
  
She cried harder.  
  
~*~  
  
He watched her cry, and felt horribly depressed. Is sleeping with me that horrible of an idea? I mean, it's not like I'm worse than any of the other guys she's gone out with... but Donna deserves better. Better than any of us. She deserves someone better. Someone like Sam. Someone like Sam? What am I thinking? I'm still hungover. Oh, God.  
  
He started to laugh, a little hysterically.  
  
"What a pair we make, Donna." And then he started to cry and she started to laugh. They both avoided one another's eyes, and stared studiously at the walls.  
  
After quite possibly the longest thirty seconds of his life, Josh tried to talk again. "Donna... the thing is... I really... I really didn't mean for last night to happen... the way it did."  
  
"Me neither," she said. "But... me neither."  
  
~*~  
  
She hated him for doing this to her. He always looked to her for reassurance, always assumed that she had the answers. Didn't it ever occur to him how intimidated she was? Every day, she walked into the White House and wondered what on Earth she was doing there. But she had tried leaving once, and she didn't seem to belong anywhere else either. She had waited for confidence to come, but really she was still faking it. That was why she understood Josh, Josh and his need for reassurance. She was Helen Keller leading the blind. And now he wanted her to soothe him, he wanted her to make this right.  
  
Well, she'd try. For him, she would try.  
  
~*~  
  
He watched her pushing her hair behind her ear. "Look, Josh. We... we both made a mistake. You're my boss. It was New Years, we both had way too much to drink. I think the best thing to do would be to just put this all behind us. I mean, don't you?"  
  
And he looked into her earnest eyes, and he didn't want to make things harder for her, so he agreed. "Yeah... we'll just... pretend this never happened. Um. Do you want anything to eat or anything?"  
  
"No, thanks... I think maybe it would be best if I just left."  
  
"Hey, I'll give you a ride... it'll be next to impossible to find a cab today, at this hour."  
  
"Thank you, Josh", she said.  
  
~*~  
  
The ride to her apartment had been uncharacteristically quiet, with none of their usual banter. Josh had surprised her by putting the radio to a classical station. He really could be sweet sometimes. And she had smiled and thanked him, because that was what he wanted. Needed. She said goodbye, walked upstairs, locked the door to her room, and cried.  
  
She loved him so much, but she had been in one-sided relationships before and she did not want another. She needed for Josh to love her as much as she loved him, and he just didn't. So she'd watch him throw himself at Amy, knowing already how it would end. And in the meantime she'd put on her lipgloss and she'd do her research and she'd keep Josh's world together and cross her fingers that hers wouldn't fall apart in the process.  
  
~*~  
  
Josh changed the radio back to its proper station and sped off. He knew she was right-- he was her boss, he was all wrong for her. But he loved her and he hated watching her date those gomers. He wished he knew how to fix this for her, but it was always Donna that did the fixing-- she was so smart and so observant.  
  
This sucks , he thought.  
  
~*~  
  
Donna watched Josh and Amy dance their careful way around a relationship. She had seen it coming since Zoey's return... Amy had flirted and Josh had been flattered; he flirted back and she played it cool, and on and on it went. But now they really seemed to be trying for a serious relationship. And she acted happy for him, scheduled his lunches with Amy around everything else, and was generally miserable.  
  
~*~  
  
Josh thought he loved Amy, he did. She was smart, sexy, and great in bed.  
  
So why was it that when his mind was wandering it was blonde hair and cheese jokes that he always seemed to end up with?  
  
~*~  
  
Could this day get any worse? Donna wondered. She'd burnt herself with her hairdryer, spilled coffee all over her shirt and had to change (At least it happened before I left the house, she consoled herself), and then when she finally arrived to work (ten minutes late) Josh had been undeservedly snarky with her. The day had gone downhill from there. But when she walked into Josh's office and saw him making out with Amy... that had been too much.  
  
~*~  
  
When he looked over Amy's shoulder and saw the door opening and Donna's horrified expression, he realized he had never felt more embarrassed in his entire life.  
  
~*~  
  
She turned heel and left, all thoughts of whatever she had been about to tell him fleeing her mind like rats off a sinking ship.  
  
Donna walked back to her desk, paused, then walked to CJ's office. "Hey, CJ?"  
  
"Hey yourself, Donna!"  
  
"Did you have any plans for after work today?"  
  
CJ looked surprised. "No, not really... just my usual date with my bathtub," she said with a laugh.  
  
"Oh. Well, I was wondering, if maybe you'd like to get a drink or something with me... I'd really... I need to talk to someone."  
  
"Of course, Donna! Is something wrong?"  
  
"No. Well, yes. But I mean, it can wait. Until later."  
  
Concern was written all over CJ's face, but she just nodded. "Okay. Seeya."  
  
~*~  
  
"Who was that?" Amy asked, hearing the door close.  
  
"Hmm? Oh, no one, I mean... don't worry about it."  
  
"You okay? You look worried."  
  
"No, I'm just.. tired. Hey, look, I'd better get back to work, but I'll see you later, okay?" He kissed her once more, and she just nodded, her pretty forehead slightly wrinkled with confusion.  
  
Josh sat down at his desk and tried looking over some numbers, but he realized that, ten minutes later, he had no idea what he had been looking at. Sighing, he picked up the phone and punched in a number.  
  
"Sam Seaborn."  
  
"Hey, Sam?"  
  
"Josh? Hey!"  
  
"Look, are you busy?"  
  
"Nope, not really. What's up?"  
  
"I need to talk..."  
  
~*~  
  
The bar was smoky and crowded, but Donna and CJ had found two open stools at the end of the bar.  
  
"... so I told him that I thought it would be best if we just moved on."  
  
"Yeah, and everything's been awkward as hell since then, hasn't it?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. And I just hate seeing him with Amy, it's just--"  
  
"Going to end badly?"  
  
"Well, yes."  
  
"You're right, you know."  
  
"It just makes me so mad, sometimes... she's going to break his heart and it won't mean anything to her!"  
  
CJ looked at her with mild amusement. "Donna, Amy can't break Josh's heart."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because you have it."  
  
~*~  
  
"... and then I dropped her off at her apartment."  
  
"Oh wow, man. I can't believe that."  
  
"I know, it was so... inappropriate! I mean... I couldn't believe..."  
  
"No, Josh-- I can't believe you let her get away!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"No, I mean it. How long have you been in love with that girl?"  
  
"Well, yeah, but--"  
  
"She loves you too, Josh!"  
  
"What? But she said--"  
  
"Josh! She was trying to give you a way out, she wasn't sure how you felt about her."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
3000 miles away and that sigh sounded the same. "Josh, I did work with you guys for a couple years. Donna's crazy for you."  
  
He paused. "You really think so?"  
  
~*~  
  
"So... Josh likes me? You're sure?"  
  
She felt like she had been suddenly plunged back into middle school.  
  
"Never been more sure of anything, Donna."  
  
"Um. Well, then why is he dating Amy?"  
  
CJ shrugged. "Boys. He thinks he can't have you, so he's trying to convince himself that second-best is good enough."  
  
~*~  
  
"Look Josh, I didn't think it was my place to ask before... but why exactly are you dating Amy?"  
  
"Hey, you've seen her... I mean, she's beautiful, and she's smart, and... well, you know."  
  
"What does she have that Donna doesn't?"  
  
"Uh... "  
  
"Look, Josh, is the only reason you haven't asked her out yet because she's your assistant?"  
  
"Well... and I mean... what if she said no?"  
  
"Josh?"  
  
Josh shrugged, then remembered that he was on the phone. He tried to make a joke, "I just don't think my ego could endure that."  
  
"First of all, your ego is big enough as it is. And second, she won't. And as far as the work thing goes... would it interfere with your ability to do your job?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"Right. And do you honestly see the President firing you two? He stood by Charlie and Zoey, he stood by Leo, he stood by me... what are you so afraid of?"  
  
More silence.  
  
"See, Sam, it's stuff like this that makes me realize how much I miss having you around."  
  
He heard laughter from the other end of the phone line. "Funny, it makes me realize how much I don't miss."  
  
"That's a lie, you know you miss the sordid drama of the Bartlet administration more than anything."  
  
"It shames me to think about how close to the truth you are, my friend. Mm, but I'm going to have to let you go for now, I have a thing--"  
  
"Sure, and-- thanks for your advice, Sam."  
  
"No problem. Call me back after you ask her out."  
  
Josh heard the dial tone and laughed. He felt a lot better than he had in a long time.  
  
~*~  
  
"... thanks so much for listening and everything, CJ..."  
  
"No problem, Donna. Hey, did you hear about--"  
  
Just then, a version of the 9th Symphony that must have been spinning Beethoven's grave interrupted her. Donna looked sheepish. "Sorry... hang on a sec."  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Donna? Are you busy?"  
  
"Not really, just talking to CJ. Why?"  
  
"Oh, I don't want to interrupt..." His pause hung heavy, and it was apparent to Donna that he did, in fact, want to interrupt. She sighed.  
  
"No, go ahead. What's up, Josh?" She saw CJ grinning, and waved a hand at her.  
  
"Um. I need to talk to you."  
  
"Sure, what's up?"  
  
"No... in person." His voice sounded pleading.  
  
"Okay... well, we're out. At the Georgetowne Station."  
  
"Picking up college kids, eh?" It was the usual Josh-banter, but his voice sounded brittle.  
  
"Just CJ."  
  
"Oh. Look, I'll be there in twenty minutes, okay?"  
  
"Sure." She hung up, and looked at CJ, eyebrows-raised.  
  
"Well, what did he say?"  
  
"He needs to talk to me. In person. He'll be here in twenty minutes."  
  
CJ stood up and grinned. "Well, knock him dead, girl."  
  
"You're leaving?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm going to catch a few hours of sleep before the next crisis du jour breaks out."  
  
"Are you expecting anything?"  
  
"No, and that's what makes me nervous. Seeya, Donna!"  
  
"Bye, CJ!" She watched her friend leave the bar, then darted off to the bathroom to check her hair.  
  
~*~  
  
Josh hung up his cell phone, then dialed again.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"Josh, do you know what time it is here?"  
  
"Three-thirty AM."  
  
"Three-thirty-seven!"  
  
"Well, you're still awake, aren't you?"  
  
"Yeah, but you didn't know that."  
  
"I knew. Anyway. I just called Donna, and I told her I had to talk to her."  
  
"Good for you!"  
  
"Yeah, but Sam, she's with CJ!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"What if they were talking about... you know, girl stuff?"  
  
"Like what, manicures and facials?"  
  
"No! Like... I don't know... secret dating battle plans."  
  
"To think, I seem to remember you calling CJ paranoid."  
  
"It's not funny, Sam!"  
  
"Josh, look. This changes nothing. Stop making excuses and go talk to her. And then tell me how it went. Tomorrow."  
  
"... Okay. Thanks. Sweet dreams."  
  
~*~  
  
Donna looked around the bar. She wasn't sure why they had chosen to come here again, after what had happened last time. Falling off the horse and all that, I guess. She sipped her drink-- CJ had ordered her a grasshopper, and she was rather enjoying it, despite the color.  
  
Finally, she saw the door swing open, and a familiar face walk in. She waved him over.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Um. I just wanted to tell you... earlier today, I broke up with Amy."  
  
"Is that what they call it these days?"  
  
"No... I'm sorry you saw that."  
  
She wanted to say something sarcastic, to hurt him like he'd hurt her. But the look in his eyes was clearly begging her not to, and it hadn't been that long since he had been the one taking her back. So she just nodded.  
  
"Anyway... what I wanted to talk to you about... was last New Year's Eve. And I think maybe you were right when you said we should move on from that. But that doesn't mean... it doesn't mean there isn't anything between us."  
  
~*~  
  
He'd said it. Now she was looking at him, quietly. Oh God, Donna, hurry up and say something, please please please...  
  
"Well...I think so too, Josh."  
  
Thank you, God. I'm sorry for anything sacrilegious I've ever done.  
  
"But... you're my boss."  
  
"Donna... what's the worst thing that could happen?"  
  
"Well... we could both get fired and bring shame to the administration, and... I don't know."  
  
"Do you really think Bartlet would fire us? He's not the type to judge his staff on their personal lives. Look at Leo, look at Sam." He mentally thanked Sam for being such a persuasive orator.  
  
She bit her lip. "Well, no."  
  
"And we could be discrete, we wouldn't let it interfere with our jobs..."  
  
"I know. I just... the job would always come first, you know?"  
  
"Donna, no matter who we date, our job is going to come first, at least for the next few years."  
  
"Well... I don't know if it's a good idea for you to jump into a new relationship the same day you ended your last one."  
  
"Look... we already have a relationship. It's just a matter of what kind of relationship."  
  
~*~  
  
Here she went, being the rational one, making sure all the possible problems were covered...  
  
"The thing is, Josh... I don't want to be your second choice. I don't want this to be, 'Things didn't work out with Amy, so I'll try Donna next'!" It sounded more bitter than she had intended.  
  
He was looking at her incredulously. "That's what you think this is? That... Donna, you have it all backwards. I... tried to make things work out with Amy 'cause I didn't think I could ever have you."  
  
"... Really?"  
  
"Donna... you are an amazing woman. Anyone who would think of you as second- best is... is insane. It drives me crazy to watch you dating these losers who don't appreciate you."  
  
"Well, how do you think it made me feel to watch you dating her?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Come on, Josh! I didn't say anything, because I didn't think it was my place... but Amy? I watched her toy with you and oh, you were so clueless."  
  
He sighed. "So, I guess we've both had our share of losers. How about we make some New Year's resolutions?"  
  
"Josh, it's September."  
  
"Well, my first resolution is to start thinking about them in advance."  
  
She laughed, despite herself. "Okay. What's your second one?"  
  
"Nope, you have to make one first."  
  
"Okay... I resolve.. to learn more Latin."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah, it freaks me out when you guys start talking and I have no idea what you're saying."  
  
"Donna, half the time I have no idea what I'm saying."  
  
"That freaks me out too."  
  
"Okay... well, you're going to have to help me out with this one, I think..." he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"What, you want to learn how to work your Palm Pilot?"  
  
"No! Well, yes, but that wasn't what I was going to say. I resolve to stop dating losers."  
  
~*~  
  
Josh crossed his fingers under the bar. If she comes back with banter it will crush my fragile ego.  
  
But she looked at him with that gorgeous smile and said, "Me too."  
  
~*~  
  
He looks so hot in his tuxedo , she thought. He came up and handed her a glass of champagne.  
  
"Thanks. Hey, the ball's about to drop!"  
  
"Donna, you've seen the ball drop a million times."  
  
"Well, what if it's different this time?"  
  
"It won't be."  
  
"But if it was, wouldn't you be sad you missed it?"  
  
"I have been convinced by your infallible logic! Lead the way, Sherlock."  
  
"... Four! Three! Two! Happy New Year!"  
  
~*~  
  
As he wrapped his arms around the most beautiful woman in the room, Josh Lyman had a feeling it would be. 


End file.
